Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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