I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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