Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
