That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
