just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
