We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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