I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
