Even the bartender felt bad for me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
