end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
