So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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