And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
