Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
