I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
