Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
