my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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