I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
