shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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