"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How does one acquire holy water?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
