She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
