i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
