we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
