Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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