My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
