like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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