So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
