I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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