Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
