dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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