Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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