I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
