I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
