i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
