There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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