so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
