I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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