All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
