i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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