i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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