I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
