6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he wants to bone in the snuggie
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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