The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
