guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
