Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
