That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
