Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
