just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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