I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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