Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
