I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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