Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
