So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
