She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
