I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
